


i'll see giant leviathans (riding them laughing, you'll be)

by genesis_frog



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Dream Team SMP Setting (Video Blogging RPF), Canon Compliant, Character Study, Child Neglect, Gen, Parent Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Phil Watson-centric (Video Blogging RPF), Pre-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-19
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-15 21:34:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29565486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/genesis_frog/pseuds/genesis_frog
Summary: Phil always struggled with his duty to be a father.
Relationships: Wilbur Soot & Phil Watson
Comments: 6
Kudos: 7





	i'll see giant leviathans (riding them laughing, you'll be)

Philza doesn't fully understand why they all look up to him, idolize him; why they give him honorary positions in their government and ask him for help and advice and call him, sometimes, _Dadza_ _._ On a good day, if you were to say he was kind, he might begrudgingly accept the compliment, but most of the time he would instead laugh in your face with an exasperated "bruh".

Despite the fact he has a son, or had one, he wouldn't really think of himself as a father. He never fully knew what he was doing, always frantically placing rails in front of the rolling cart that was raising Wilbur alone. Phil tried his best to soothe Wilbur when he cried and make sure he ate (and didn't eat sand again) and brought him along to his massive excavation sites. And _maybe_ that meant Wilbur tottering along rickety towering scaffolding, or learning to walk while a little close to eternally burning fires, or playing with priceless ancient artifacts that also happened to be very sharp. Phil was a "learn from doing" kind of guy, so he figured as long as the kid didn't _die_ from it, what's a little accidental injury going to do? He tried to keep at least half an eye on him at all times and was mostly successful. And Wilbur survived, anyway, so it's probably fine.

("Survived" is a funny word for it: Wilbur grows up sullen and distant, and Phil grows to find his greatest fear is of his own son, or perhaps in his own failings as a man. But he tries, by god does he try, once he has the confidence to do so. By the time Wilbur is a teen, he is stubbornly independent, and even as he grows into a charismatic young man, Phil has the feeling that he's no longer in control, like a boat on ice spinning wildly out of control. It makes him sick.)

This is why he finds it a little funny when the young members of the server turn to him in crisis, when a slip of Tommy's tongue has the word _Dadza_ hang in the air. At heart, Phil doesn't feel paternal; sure, he helps when he can, he gives gifts, he spends time with his grandson and saves Ranboo from lava and builds a beehouse for Techno. He likes to do all of that, likes to share what he knows with others. But. But, but, but.

In his heart, Philza is a wild thing. He grew up alone in the wilderness, slept by fires in beds of leaves, he decorated his body with the pelts of animals and forged his first tools from sticks and bones; he runs with wolves, he stole bread for the foxes, he sang to parrots and ate scavenged eggs from wild chickens and speared fish with a trident he'd ripped from the decaying grasp of a blue-green corpse. Phil was born in the fire of stars and the ice of sun, in earth that floats in the sky, in ever-burning fire and ever-spreading fungal rot. He cannot be caged; his heart beats in time with the crashing of ocean waves and the leap of magma cubes and the pulse of the earth itself as the planet lives. Phil learned to bare his teeth and snarl and growl, to survive by any means necessary. Philza is a wild thing.

It leaves him with a small, smug sense of satisfaction when he realizes that he's tricked everyone into believing he's been domesticated - or perhaps, that he was never feral at all. He certainly doesn't carry himself that way, most of the time - he'll never quite shake the way he laughs in the face of chaos.

Maybe the role of "father" was too small for him all along.

**Author's Note:**

> title from my nightmare by phemiec
> 
> this is a c!phil positive space! I acknowledge he has flaws and want to explore them while also not demonizing him or thinking he's irredeemable or w/e! please keep this in mind when interacting, thank you


End file.
